The Eulogy

The Eulogy was written and read alternately by Neil (Benny) Bennett –BEN, and Paul Milner –PAUL

BEN

Thank you all for coming today.

We thought it would be nice for Paul and I to do this together as we both knew Neil for so many years. And also, to give each other some much needed moral support.

Neil was born on Saturday 26^th of November 1966 and grew up with his parents Lorna and Peter in Laleham. When Neil was four, he was joined by sister Karen and at age 10 by his brother Jamie.

Neil, together with his brother and sister, came here to St John’s Church, and attended Sunday school underneath us in the crypt. Neil also sang in the choir and had keyboard lessons from the church organist.

His first school was Staines Prep. It was there he first got to play cricket, a game he would enjoy his whole life.

PAUL

In September 1978, Neil went to Halliford Boys School in Shepperton. On our first day, the prefects delighted in hanging us up by our blazers on coat pegs. That was the first time both Neils and I spoke to each other – with our arms and legs flailing in mid air.

Being a very formal school, the teachers referred to us by our surnames Bennett, Milner and Tomlinson. Both being Neils, they were soon called Tommy and Benny by each other and friends, and have been ever since.

However, Halliford school had a tyrant of a head master, known to the pupils as Boris after the horror actor Boris Karloff. If he knew your surname, three of the best were coming your way. How the three of us never got the cane was a miracle. One of us escaped by the skin of his teeth (point at Benny) but Tommy always knew how to avoid trouble.

BEN

In September 1980, when Neil was 13, his mother passed away. Lorna had fought a long battle with cancer and died, aged 35. From that point on, Neil, Karen and Jamie were brought up by their nan in Wheatsheaf Lane, Staines.

While most women her age would have been settling down into retirement, Neil’s nan, Sherry Baxter, now had a young family to bring up. Paul and I would often pop over, and Nan was incredibly welcoming. She always treated us as her boys. She was an amazing woman and we thought she was wonderful.

At home, Neil continued his passion for cricket, teaching Karen and Jamie how to play in the back garden. One day he was practising his fast-bowling technique in the hallway, which he often did, 

and he didn’t see the glass light fitting hanging from the ceiling and bowled his hand right through it, smashing it to bits. No major injuries, but he was in big trouble with Nan for that!

The family spent happy summer holidays caravanning in Little Hampton. And Neil would take Jamie up on the train to London to see the sights. Jamie remembers going to Trafalgar Square, where Neil covered him with bird seed and took a picture as Jamie was attacked by the pigeons.

PAUL

At school, Neil nearly always came top of the class. He would sing solos in the choir and always had lead roles in the school house plays. In our fifth year, Neil and I became prefects.  While we didn’t hang boys up by their blazers, we did confiscate the occasional Curly Wurly.

While Neil was in the sixth form, the school went through a massive transformation. And guess whose name is at the top of the current Head Boy Honour Board.You’ve got it – Neil Tomlinson

Following in his uncle’s footsteps, Neil’s nephew Rafferty, Karen’s son, now goes to Halliford.

BEN

It’s hard to express just how close Neil, Paul and I were growing up at school, and outside of school, and we have had so many great times together ever since.

Neil and I shared a love of rock music, especially Led Zeppelin, and with our hard-earned money from stacking shelves at a local supermarket, we started going to concerts, along with my brother Ian.

Neil took his brother and sister to their first concerts, Karen to see Status Quo and Jamie to Tom Petty.

One of our most memorable was having front row tickets to see Ozzy Osbourne when we were 16. Neil and I fondly reminisced about that concert the last time we saw each other last month.

After A levels, Neil went to study English in Cambridge. His first job after Uni was at the auctioneers Phillips in Mayfair. And around this time, Neil’s Nan moved from Staines to a bungalow in Clacton-on-Sea.

Neil was devoted to his nan and would stay with her every other weekend. His nan loved having Neil around, and he would help with her DIY jobs.

Neil once tried putting a clock on the wall in Karen’s bedroom, above a light switch. He drilled straight through the cable and went flying across the room. A young Jamie watching found this very amusing. Jamie is now a qualified electrician.

PAUL

Neil got a new job at the travel technology company Worldspan.

Around this time, after a few years away, Neil, Ben and I, got back together and joining us were my future wife Louise and Neil’s then girlfriend. We had some great times together. We persuaded Neil to go skiing. He even tried paragliding – dramatically flipping over on take-off and landing on his head.

The friendship group expanded: two more ex-Hallifordians, Ben’s brother Ian and Ollie, and later Simon and Bernie. We started meeting up every week and ‘The Weekly Ale Tasting Society’ was formed.

So many good evenings, so many stories – where should I start? Blind champagne tasting, Neil capsizing as he got into a kayak, poker at Bernie’s, crazy golf in Ollie’s garden. I could go on and on…

Neil’s friends were precious to him. He shared a great sense of humour and fun. But there was Tommy’s law, to watch out for – ‘Why be nice to your friends when you can have a good cheap laugh at their expense!’ 

BEN

In his professional life, Neil was a Company Lawyer with a career that spanned 20 years at G4S. His specialty was Contract Terms & Conditions. As his colleague Tim said, he didn’t just know them, he knew them inside out, upside down, and back to front – and had forensic recall.

In the open plan office in Sutton, Neil had something only the most important people in the company had… Neil had an office. This meant that each major sporting event could be enjoyed away from the glare of his colleagues.

A highlight of Neil’s day was taking colleagues to his favorite local Poppins café, for a mug of tea and a jacket potato.

Neil met at Nicola while she was working at Securicor, before it became G4S, in 2004, and they were a couple for fifteen years.

They loved going on holidays, especially to islands – the fewer people the better. The isles of Mull, Iona, the isles of Scilly and Lundy. And for Neil’s fiftieth, Iceland, a place Neil had always wanted to go. It was sooo cold. Even the locals said it was cold

Neil loved family dinners at Nicola’s parents’ house. And the highlight of their year was going to Nicola’s sailing club’s classic car rallies.

PAUL

Neil shared a love for classic cars along with the rest of the guys. We started going to the Goodwood Festival of Speed and then dressing up in period costume for the Goodwood Revival.

One year, Neil dressed as a 1940s working class chap by the sea, complete with knotted hankie on his head. He was picked out of the crowd and made the big screen for everybody to see.

We then ventured across the channel to the circuit des Ramparts in Angouleme, France, where we had the idea to get into classic car racing ourselves.

Neil, Olly, Simon, Bernie and I bought a 1928 Austin 7 Ulster race car, affectionately called BIFF. With no seat belts or roll bar it was a hazardous sport and Neil was happy to watch Ollie and Bernie race. He preferred driving BIFF around, looking the part with flat cap and scarf.

On one particular trip to Angouleme, Neil and Simon drove Olly’s E type Jag. For a hundred miles cars overtook them beeping and waving.  They presumed It was because of the car they were in, but it wasn’t, it was the ‘Just Married’ sign we had hung off the back of the car. As we said later – Tommy’s Law applied.  

As more and more classic cars were acquired by individuals within the group, Neil took the leap and bought his favourite sports car, a Triumph TR6 white convertible.

BEN

Neil was a rugby fan and a season ticket holder at Harlequins. He enjoyed many great matches and afternoons, with his rugby friends. But his number one passion was always cricket.

Neil and Simon started going to some International matches together, and by 2019 they were crisscrossing the country for the whole three weeks of the World Cup.

Neil loved picnics and would theme the food to whichever counties were playing. They became members of Surrey, and soon realized that if they booked the last lunch sitting and ate slowly, they could watch the match in style from the window of the pavilion.  First class cricket indeed!

PAUL

Sadly, in 2017, Neil was hospitalized and very sick with acute Pancreatitis. Afterwards, Neil focused much more on his health. He became a keen walker and would regularly walk in Windsor Great Park. He was quite proud of himself when he hiked up and down Snowdon in 2019.

Keeping himself busy during Covid, Neil set to work replacing his kitchen. Jamie stayed for a while and did the electrics. Jamie said it was really nice spending close time together and reconnecting as brothers.

He enjoyed catching up with friends at work on the 5.30 daily call. Simon would join him on walks, and with wife Jo and family, created a bubble with Neil. In between lockdowns, Neil would go to Ollie and Karen’s for dinner.

Neil also rekindled his interest in golf, playing with myself, Louise, Bernie and Di. We were the ATM golf society after the first letters of our surnames, and a nod to Neil’s job in the cash division at G4S.

BEN

The last year, the two of us saw quite a lot of each other, and met up for walks in Windsor Great Park, Richmond and Bushy Parks. It was really great chatting about life and old times. It meant a lot to both of us.

One of the last times the gang all got together was at Neil’s. He loved themed evenings, and hosted a socially distanced French garden party. We all dressed as Frenchmen, drank wine, played boules and Neil served steak in baguettes. A perfect evening!

Friends were so important to Neil. Both Karen and Jamie have said Neil’s friends were his family

Neil had been Best Man at both Mine and Paul’s weddings. A really close friend for 42 years. Neil was really fun, clever, great company, and easy to talk to. When Neil spoke, there was a presence about him, and you always wanted to hear what had to say. He was also a great listener. He was always there for you – and would do anything for anyone.  A true gentleman.

Neil, you were a wonderful brother, uncle, friend and colleague. You meant so much to us, and your passing is a great shock, a huge loss, and a deep sadness. And all of us who were fortunate to have known you, it’s hard to express just how much we will miss you. But Neil, our best friend Tommy, I assure you, we will always remember you.